Understanding the Energy Your Child Feels: A Guide for Parents

Have you ever noticed that your profoundly autistic child seems to "know" things before they happen? Maybe they become dysregulated before a family gathering that you haven't even told them about yet. Or they calm down the moment you take a deep breath and center yourself, even when they're across the room.

This isn't coincidence—it's energy sensitivity, and it's one of the most remarkable (and often misunderstood) aspects of the profoundly autistic experience.

After working with hundreds of families, I've observed something incredible: profoundly autistic children are often extraordinarily tuned into the emotional and energetic environment around them. They feel what we feel, sometimes before we even realize we're feeling it.

Understanding this changes everything about how we interact with our children and creates possibilities for deeper connection than we ever imagined.

What Energy Sensitivity Looks Like

Energy sensitivity means your child is constantly picking up on the emotional states, stress levels, and even the unspoken thoughts of people around them. They're like emotional barometers, responding to the atmospheric pressure of feelings in their environment.

You might notice:

• Your child becomes agitated when you're stressed, even if you think you're hiding it well

• They have big reactions to certain people or places without obvious triggers

• Their behavior changes dramatically based on who's in the room

• They seem to "absorb" the emotions of family members

• Crowded or chaotic environments overwhelm them quickly

• They respond to your internal state even when you haven't said anything

Here's what's actually happening: Your child's nervous system is reading and responding to energetic information that most of us have learned to ignore or filter out. They haven't developed the same barriers between themselves and others' emotional states that neurotypical people typically have.

Why This Happens

Profoundly autistic individuals often have what I call "thin boundaries" between themselves and the world around them. This isn't a deficit—it's a different way of experiencing reality that can be incredibly overwhelming but also deeply intuitive.

Consider this: While neurotypical people learn to filter out most environmental stimuli to function in the world, many autistic people remain open to this information. They're processing not just words and actions, but the energy behind them.

This means your child might:

• Feel your anxiety about their IEP meeting before you've even scheduled it

• Sense tension between family members even when everyone is trying to act normal

• Respond to your emotions more than your words

• Become dysregulated in environments where there's a lot of emotional "noise"

How to Use This Understanding to Support Your Child

Once you understand that your child is constantly receiving energetic information, you can use this knowledge to create more harmony in your home and deeper connection with your child.

1. Become Aware of Your Own Energy

Your internal state is your child's environment. This isn't about pressure to be perfect—it's about awareness.

Practice This:

• Take five deep breaths before entering your child's space

• Notice when you're feeling stressed and acknowledge it: "I'm feeling anxious about work right now"

• Ground yourself before difficult conversations or transitions

• Remember that your calm energy is one of the most helpful things you can offer your child

Real Example: Lisa noticed that her son's bedtime meltdowns always seemed to happen on days when she was worried about work. When she started doing a brief meditation before starting bedtime routine, his resistance decreased significantly. He was picking up on her stress and responding to it.

2. Prepare Your Child's Energy Environment

Just as you might adjust lighting or noise levels for sensory comfort, you can adjust the energetic environment of your home.

Try This:

• Before family gatherings, spend quiet time with your child, explaining who will be there and what the energy might feel like

• Create "energy buffer zones"—quiet spaces where your child can retreat when they're feeling overwhelmed by others' emotions

• Be mindful of who you invite into your child's space and how those people's energy affects them

• Use calming activities (like deep breathing together) to reset the energy in your home

3. Communicate About Energy

Even if your child is non-speaking, you can communicate about energy in ways they understand.

Examples:

• "I'm feeling worried energy right now. I'm going to breathe and calm my body."

• "Grandma has excited energy today. That might feel big for you."

• "I notice you're feeling the busy energy in this room. Let's find a quieter space."

• "My body is calm. Your body can be calm too."

4. Respect Their Energy Boundaries

Your child's reactions to certain people or situations might be their way of communicating important information about energy they're receiving.

Honor This By:

• Not forcing interactions with people who consistently dysregulate your child

• Limiting exposure to environments that feel overwhelming to them

• Recognizing that their "behavior problems" might actually be appropriate responses to energetic overwhelm

• Trusting their instincts about people and situations

The Gift of Energy Sensitivity

While energy sensitivity can create challenges, it's also an incredible gift. Children who are this tuned in to energy often:

• Form extraordinarily deep bonds with people who have calm, genuine energy

• Serve as "emotional weather systems" for their families, alerting everyone to underlying tensions

• Respond beautifully to authentic, peaceful presence

• Have an intuitive understanding of others' true feelings

• Can sense when someone genuinely cares about them versus when someone is just going through the motions

Remember: Your child's energy sensitivity isn't something to overcome—it's something to understand and work with.

Creating Energy Harmony in Your Home

Start Your Day with Intentional Energy

Begin each morning by setting the energetic tone for your family. Take a few minutes to center yourself and consciously choose to bring calm, loving energy to your interactions.

Practice Energy Check-Ins

Throughout the day, pause and ask yourself: "What energy am I bringing to this moment?" Adjust as needed.

Create Family Calm-Down Rituals

Develop routines that help everyone in the family reset their energy—like family breathing exercises, quiet music, or spending time in nature together.

Protect Your Child's Energy Space

Be selective about the emotional energy you allow in your home. This might mean limiting visits from people who bring chaos or drama, or creating specific guidelines for how family members interact during stressful times.

Working WITH Energy Sensitivity, Not Against It

The key is learning to see your child's energy sensitivity as valuable information rather than a problem to solve.

When your child becomes dysregulated:

1. First, check your own energy. Are you stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed?

2. Consider the environment. What energy are they picking up on?

3. Respond to their experience. Acknowledge that they're feeling big energy and help them regulate.

4. Make adjustments. Change what you can about the energetic environment.

Your Energy Matters More Than You Think

Here's the truth that transforms everything: Your child needs your peaceful presence more than they need perfect parenting techniques. When you're genuinely calm and centered, your child feels safe to be calm too.

This doesn't mean you have to be perfect or never feel stressed. It means becoming aware of how your internal state affects your child and taking responsibility for managing your own energy as much as possible.

Moving Forward with Energy Awareness

Understanding your child's energy sensitivity opens up new possibilities for connection and communication. Instead of feeling frustrated by their seemingly "random" reactions, you can become curious about what energy they're responding to.

Your Next Steps:

1. Observe patterns in your child's behavior related to different people and environments

2. Practice energy awareness by checking in with your own internal state throughout the day

3. Experiment with energy preparation before transitions or challenging activities

4. Trust your child's energy responses as valuable information about their experience.

Remember, your profoundly autistic child isn't just experiencing the world differently—they're often experiencing MORE of the world than the rest of us. Their energy sensitivity is a window into a richer, more connected way of being.

When we learn to honor and work with this sensitivity instead of fighting against it, we create opportunities for profound connection and understanding that go far beyond words.

Want to explore how energy awareness can transform your family's daily experience? Join our community of parents who are learning to work WITH their children's unique sensitivities, or consider personalized coaching to dive deeper into these concepts.